You see, there are certain things that life will throw at you—and the only way to get past it, is to go through it.
You will meet people who will teach you a lot about how life is completely unfair. You’ll try to outrun it, might even believe you’ve outsmarted life, but truth is, no one ever wins. But the beauty behind betrayal, failure, and disappointment, is that you will learn something. Keep in mind that, there’s a difference between simply knowing and actually applying what you learn(ed) into your life.
Now, here comes the the tricky part. All these unfortunate events, change and shape the way you see people and life in general. Sometimes, we get so hurt that we allow it to harden our hearts. And nothing ever works out right, nor does it make things better, when your heart is just as cold as ice. I’ve tried shutting people out, I have, and sometimes I still do, but I learned the hard way that all it does is poison the heart even more; and the heart is meant to love. And that’s how you set yourself up for your own trap because now you’re battling between trying to love those around you but you’re too afraid of getting hurt again. Your heart begins to battle with your mind and you feel uneasy all the time because neither of the two are in sync. But where the fuck is the line drawn between thinking with your head and feeling with your heart? It’s all a damn gamble and the only way to ever find out is by taking the risk.
I met someone I thought genuinely cared for me. And I believe it’s safe to say that they did care for me at one point. But tonight, I learned that…people are not what they always seem to be. There came a moment where I started to blame myself for allowing the wrong people enter my life, but it’s inevitable. I stopped trying to blame it on myself and I reasoned:
"But that’s the thing about deciding whether someone is deserving of your love and attention. You think you’ve met someone that might give a shit about you, but the same way words don’t mean shit unless they’re proven, actions can be just as deceiving—even bigger lies."
Shit. I won’t let you defeat me. I won’t let you be the reason why my heart is consumed with hate again. I can’t, I won’t go back there. I shouldn’t.
It’s not the first time I’ve met a shadow like yours, but fuck. They keep reappearing and they get scarier and scarier the more I grow older.
There will come a time in your life when you will feel absolutely defeated to the point where you’ll wish you could quietly disappear from the face of the earth. It may even happen more than once. You will feel like you have lost. And you will feel lost. The world will seem much colder than it…
She refused to provide any sort of security for a man who lacked confidence in the world. She didn’t want to be the supporting role for another story; she was too busy being the protagonist of her own. She preferred stimulating conversations when the hours have grown well past midnight and when…
I have known people who fell to the idealization of romance and the notion that they needed someone else in order to be complete. They loved the thrill of the chase, the idea of happiness, and all of its illusory beauty. They were ready to forget everything else, even themselves, the moment they were struck by love. And at the very same they were blinded to the decay it brought to their hearts because they loved the other too much, but not themselves.
Friends will be gained and friends will fade away. Some experiences will haunt you and some will change you forever. Certain melodies will take you back to the time when they played over and over in your mind. And some people will never be forgotten, like your first love, lingering in the dark…
If you believe you aren’t worthy enough, then you aren’t worthy enough—even if you are believed to be worthy in the eyes of another. But that’s their world, not yours. Your mind holds a vast world that only you can give meaning to, but of course, with hints and pieces of other worlds weaving into…
In a world where you’re influenced by outer appearances, the vain desire to be thought well by everyone else consumes you—even if he or she doesn’t play a single role in your life, even if you’re putting yourself beneath them. And by allowing this to dictate who you wish to be in the eyes of…
The most sincere and loveliest people you will ever meet are the broken ones, the ones who’ve tasted pain and loss on a level that most others haven’t, the ones who are too busy trying to better their heart than to make it bitter, the ones who quietly seek out anyone who has been there before.
The problem is that you’re seeking it outside yourself. You think that places, ideas of what could be, or people will make you reach that state of happiness that you long for. And then you suffer terribly when they don’t meet your expectations. After all, we’re full of expectations and…
“It’s about misunderstandings between people and places, being disconnected and looking for moments of connection. There are so many moments in life when people don’t say what they mean, when they are just missing each other, waiting to run into each other in a hallway.”—Sofia Coppola on Lost in Translation (via brandonoda)
I just happen to live in a different world than you. And no matter how hard you try to reduce the distance between us, I’ll only be walking in the other direction. Never hold me back, but feel free to come along. My indifference used to be my shield from reality. Now I realize that my indifference…
“Everyone is probably telling you right now that these will be the happiest four years of your life. What they probably aren’t telling you is that these will also be some of the worst years of your life. In college you will feel on top of the world and utterly defeated (sometimes in the same day). So just try to remember that you’re not doing anything wrong if you’re having a hard time. And before you jump to any conclusions about how much happier everyone else is, and how much more fun they’re having than you, go sit down and talk to a friend. You’d be surprised by how many people feel lost and directionless at least some point in their college careers.”—(via briandlai)
You taught me that sometimes people do deserve a second chance. But you also taught me that the first chance should always be enough.
You taught me that it’s alright to be afraid and that letting someone in is never going to be the simplest thing to do—neither will it be formulaic. It’s something that you learn to do little by little.
You taught me that as humans, it’s normal to rely on others. We need the people around us to survive. We weren’t made to grow completely independent. Not entirely, at least.
You taught me how to forgive. But you also taught me that being forgiven doesn’t always mean that person wants you back in their lives.
You taught me that being young and in love is one of the most exciting things to experience.
But most importantly, you taught me that people are always changing and life waits for no one—nothing in life is ever certain. So, do what you can now and say the things you’re afraid to say before it’s too late. Don’t take the ones you love for granted because they might be gone any moment.
It’s just another one of those things you wish you could talk to someone about though it doesn’t even make sense in your own head. You’ll try to write something down, maybe move some words around, but when you read it over you’re only left with the realization that words are not enough to express what the hell it is you’re feeling because…you don’t know what you’re feeling.
“There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words, and still not understand you. And there are others who will understand — without you even speaking a word.”—Yasmin Mogahed (via wanduring)
I’ve always been the outsider in any circle of friends and that’s exactly why I never just stick to one group of people. But at the same time, it’s because of this that I’ve grown close and gotten to know a mix of personalities each with different stories.
“There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock. People so tired. Mutilated. Either by love or no love. People just are not good to each other. One on one. The rich are not good to the rich. The poor are not good to the poor. We are afraid. Our educational system tells us that we can all be big-ass winners. It hasn’t told us about the gutters. Or the suicides. Or the terror of one person aching in one place. Alone. Untouched. Unspoken to.”—Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog From Hell (via thegirlincendio)
Even after all that’s happened between you and I, I still care enough to wish you a happy life. One day you’ll understand that cutting ties with you was more beneficial for you than it was for me. I have no idea if you read my posts, most likely not since I never mentioned it to you; but I wasn’t kidding when I told you that one day you’d find someone who would help you love yourself as much as she loves you. That just wasn’t me. I cared for you, I really did—I still do. That explains why I’m even writing this.
But, you know, I like how things are now. You and I have taken completely separate paths and we’ve changed in such a short amount of time. You’re happy and I’m happy. It only hurts from time to time because for so many but short moments, we thought we’d be happy together.
“What we read and why we do so defines us in a profound way. You are what you read, I suppose. Browsing through someone’s library is like peeking into their DNA.”—Guillermo del Toro, Introduction to The Best American Nonrequired Reading (via caterwauled)